tm 12-23-98

[JPD]

(Dec. 23)

Some thoughts passed on to me

     BOB Skeen said a little boy was reading a plaque on the wall in
     the rear of the church.

     "Why," he asked his mother, "are all those names up there?"

     "They are church members that died in the service," she
     explained.

     After some thought, the lad asked, "Morning or afternoon?"

     Some thoughts found somewhere by Teri Johnson and passed along to
     me by magic mail popping into my computer:

          A baby first laughs at the age of 4 weeks. By that time his
eyes
     focus well enough to see you clearly.

          Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by
their
     maker.

          Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you
     are.

          Don't worry about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow
     in Australia.

          Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have
     never forgotten this. That explains a few things, doesn't it?

          A man usually feels better after a few winks - especially if
she
     winks back.

          Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

          A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't
     understand two things: 1. women; 2. fractions.

          The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

          There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

          The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it. If
you
     can't ignore it, top it. If you can't top it, laugh at it. If you
can't laugh
     at it, it's probably deserved.

          He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

          The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

     Rick Neely of St. Albans (not to be confused, he said, with former
     Justice Richard Neely) spotted a personalized license plate:

     PROCT-DR

     He said he was certain it was a proctologist, especially since the
     license plate was on a Ford Probe.

     Dallas "Tex" Higbee, a retired Gazette editor now enjoying the good
     life in North Carolina, passed along the following:

     A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a
     nice evening ride. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through
     what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

     As the needle jumped up to 80 he noticed flashing red and blue
lights
     behind him.

     "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself
     and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 . Then the reality
of
     the situation hit him. "What the heck am I doing?" he thought, and
     pulled over.

     The state trooper came up to him, took his license and examined it
and
     the car.

     "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pullover. I don't feel
like
     more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse I haven't heard
     before, you can go," the trooper said.

     "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was
     afraid you were trying to bring her back."

     "Off you go," said the officer.

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