tm 3-24-99

[JPD]

(March 24)

She insisted on taking a closer look

     DAVE Williams said he heard the other day that sliced bread was
     invented in 1912.

     So what was the greatest thing before 1912?

     It was 3 a.m., said Ariana Kincaid, and the receptionist at a posh
hotel
     was just dozing off when a little, elderly woman came hurrying
toward
     the desk.

     "Please come quickly," she gasped. "I just saw a naked man outside
     the window of my room."

     The desk clerk went with the woman to her room.

     "He's over there," said the woman as she went to a window and
     pointed to an apartment building opposite the hotel.

     The desk clerk could see, through an apartment window, a shirtless
     man moving around the apartment.

     "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said
     reassuringly. "And he's probably not naked. You can only see him
     from the waist up."

     "Oh, yeah?" the woman said, "Try standing on the dresser."

     A favorite quote:

     "Waiter, there's no fly in my soup." - Kermit the Frog

     Charlie Spainhour, a mountaineer transplanted to South Carolina,
said
     he attended a reception in Aiken to honor corporate sponsors of the
     American Heart Association's annual fund-raising "Heartwalk."

     The honorary chairman of the fund-raising event, Rep. Lindsey
     Graham, attended the ceremony. The South Carolina congressman was
     one of the prosecutors during the President Clinton impeachment
thing.

     As sponsors were being introduced, one was referred to as "Your Next
     Affair."

     The emcee explained that Your Next Affair was a catering business in
     the Aiken area.

     The congressman let out a whoosh of air and said, "Thank God."

     Another favorite quote:

     "Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I
     think that's how dogs spend their lives." - Sue Murphy

     One Sunday, said Tom Sutherland, a pastor told his congregation that
     the church needed some extra money and asked the people to consider
     giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever
gave the
     most would be able to pick out three hymns.

     After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and
     noticed that someone had given a $1,000 bill. He immediately shared
     his joy with the congregation and said he'd like to personally thank
the
     person who placed the money in the plate.

     A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly
raised
     her hand and the clergyman asked her to come to the front.

     Slowly she made her way to the minister who told her how wonderful
     it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick
out
     three hymns.

     Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation and,
pointing
     at three younger men one by one, said, "I'll take him and him and
     him."

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --
To subscribe: listserv at listserv.tempe.gov
and in body: subscribe HEATH yourfirstname yourlastname
To unsubscribe:  listserv at listserv.tempe.gov
and in body: signoff HEATH
Archives for HEATH: http://www.tempe.gov/archives
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --