[VoiceOps] Make Kamailio Great Again!

Rob Dawson rdawson at force3.com
Fri Apr 1 09:36:04 EDT 2016

Hillarious - I always look forward to the April 1 posts!

-----Original Message-----
From: VoiceOps [mailto:voiceops-bounces at voiceops.org] On Behalf Of Alex
Sent: Friday, April 01, 2016 7:30 AM
To: voiceops at voiceops.org
Subject: [VoiceOps] Make Kamailio Great Again!

For immediate release:

ATLANTA, GA (1 April 2016)--Alex J. Balashov, a self-styled businessman
based in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, has a plan to "Make Kamailio Great Again".

"Evariste Systems is huge. My name is on the building," said Balashov of his
iconic VoIP consulting brand.

"And you know what, I have been very successful. Everybody loves me."

Balashov has capitalised on a contentious election cycle marked by deep
political polarisation, growing income inequality and geopolitical
challenges such as global terrorism. And his sharp message of alarm about
the declining influence of the Kamailio SIP server project has resonated
with increasing numbers in the CxO suite, vaulting him to the lead in the
race for the IETF SIP Working Group nomination, according to recent polls of
primary voters.

He has been quick to tout his competitive credentials in a tough global
open-source ecosystem. At a recent colloqium on unified communications, he

"When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, OpenSIPS in Git
commits? They kill us. I beat OpenSIPS all the time. All the time."

As Balashov sees it, a major cause of the beleaguered Kamailio project's
woes lies in its liberal patch acceptance policy and lax scrutiny of
third-party contributions:

"When GitHub sends its people, they're not sending their best.
They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending people
that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems. They're
bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume,
are good people."

He has proposed a controversial solution that has drawn ire from liberal
ranks in the open-source community, but has also attracted applause and
standing ovations at his speaking engagements:

"We have to have a firewall around the Kamailio source code. We have to have
an access control list. And in that firewall, we're going to have a big fat
door where commits and pull requests can come into the master branch, but
they have to come in legally.
The firewall will go up, and GitHub will start behaving."

Balashov's firewall proposal has been met with scorn from critics who deride
it as impractical and quixotic. In particular, commentators have raised
questions about funding and resources as well as GitHub's willingness to
entertain a boundary around a project in its vicinity.
Balashov isn't concerned, however:

"I will build a great firewall--and nobody builds firewalls better than me,
believe me--and I'll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great,
great stateful packet inspection wall on our border with GitHub, and I will
make GitHub pay for that wall. Mark my words."

He has also been rebuked by rival IETF leadership candidates for his often
acerbic Twitter remarks directed at Lennart Poettering and the developers of
"firewalld". As he sees it, however, the network effects of social media are
a strength:  "My Twitter has become so powerful that I can actually make my
enemies tell the truth." He scoffed at the suggestion that his
characterisations of industry actors behind the RedHat-led "systemd"
movement are misleading:

"RedHat was the worst Steward of Linux in the history of the kernel.
There has never been a Steward so bad as RedHat. The source code blew up
around us. We lost everything, including all synergies.
There wasn't one good thing that came out of that administration or them
being Stewards of Linux."

Balashov's idiosyncratic campaign is not standing still. He has proven to be
a capable populist, adapting rapidly to an evolving sense of the kinds of
pronouncements that activate his swelling crowds of devotees.
Along the way, he has deftly deflected calls to subject his policy proposals
to expert review.

"I know what I'm doing, and I listen to a lot of people, I talk to a lot of
people, and at the appropriate time I'll tell you who the people are. But I
speak to a lot of people, but my primary consultant is myself, and I have a
good instinct for this stuff."

At a recent gathering of SIP stack interoperability specialists, Balashov
the latest pillar of his platform to "Make Kamailio Great Again", in view of
growing security vulnerabilities in the latest Kamailio modules:

"Alex J. Balashov is calling for a total and complete shutdown of commits
entering the master branch from the territory of the European Union until
our project's representatives can figure out what's going on. According to
Netcraft, among others, there are a lot of buffer overflows in Kamailio by
large segments of the EU population."
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