[VoiceOps] Exclusive: Quitting the fast life of open-source SIP

Sat Apr 1 07:47:23 EDT 2017

I think I just threw up in my mouth 


Sent from my iPhone

> On Apr 1, 2017, at 6:26 AM, Shripal Daphtary <shripald at gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> Nice one!! 
> 
> 
> Thanks, 
> 
> Shripal
> 
>> On Apr 1, 2017, at 1:11 AM, Alex Balashov <abalashov at evaristesys.com> wrote:
>> 
>> (Filed by UC Celeb Talk - 1 Apr 2017.)
>> 
>> BERLIN (Tegel), GERMANY--In the now-infamous breakdown episode on the
>> VIP tarmac at Berlin's Tegel Airport, Alex Balashov shocked the IP
>> telecoms celebrity world last month. 
>> 
>> Shielding his eyes from the punishingly bright daylight of an overcast
>> day in northern Germany, Balashov climbed out of his Gulfstream G650
>> jet, clutching a half-finished bottle of Woodford Reserve, and announced
>> his sudden retirement from the "fast life" of open-source SIP consulting
>> to a waiting gathering of tech business reporters. 
>> 
>> "I'm not with this 'live fast, die young' VoIP s*** anymore," he
>> reportedly shouted, before collapsing and vomiting profusely on the red
>> carpet.
>> 
>> UC Celeb Talk's own Benjamin Brant sat down with Balashov in an
>> exclusive interview to learn more about what happened, even as the
>> telecoms industry continues to digest the shock meltdown. 
>> 
>> --
>> 
>> BRANT: Everyone's dying to know, what was going through your head at
>> that moment?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Funny how you mention dying. I want to live to see 35, man. I
>> can't handle the SIP biz anymore. 
>> 
>> BRANT: What do you mean? You seemed to have all the makings of an
>> open-source SIP superstar.
>> 
>> BALASHOV: I can't keep up with the drinks anymore, the three day-long
>> parties, the paparazzi, always watchin' my back at ClueCon...
>> 
>> BRANT: When'd you realise it might be time to call it?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: I'll tell you when. It was Kamailio World '16. Man, those
>> vodka + Club Mate drinks they pour down at Fokus are something else.
>> They'll really get you thinking about things. 
>> 
>> BRANT: So you had a cocktail and thought better of your entire life as a
>> SIP celebrity? The fans, the adulation, the glory? 
>> 
>> BALASHOV: When you wake up at 3 PM at the Park Inn on Alexanderplatz
>> with a $31,000 room service bill on your AMEX, a goat wandering around,
>> and reporters in your face, you tell me with a straight face you're not
>> gonna take stock of your life and make some changes.
>> 
>> BRANT: That really happened?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: That's what I'm trying to tell you! That's Kamailio World,
>> dude. That's the SIP software engineering culture. You wanna ITSP and
>> WebRTC? You're gonna have to bro down!
>> 
>> BRANT: Surely not everywhere. What about the IETF?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Those guys drink more than ANYONE. Have you seen the SIP
>> Outbound RFC?
>> 
>> BRANT: That's the work-product of an alcohol-fuelled creative orgy?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: It's the work product of something-something. I don't know if
>> I'm allowed to identify the uh, substance in question.
>> 
>> BRANT: How are you going to live without the private jet? If I had a G6,
>> I wouldn't just turn over the keys.
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Yeah, I mean, open-source VoIP consulting has its upsides.
>> It's a fine way to make a living. But it's just not worth it. Besides,
>> hourly operating costs are through the roof. 
>> 
>> BRANT: But you were an icon, and quite a ladies' man too! How do you
>> walk away from that?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Look man, of course women are gonna mob you when you're a SIP
>> consulting star. That's just part of the open-source tech life in
>> general.
>> 
>> But it's fake, man. They don't love you. They don't want to know who you
>> are inside. They just want you 'cause you know all about the SIP
>> transaction state machine, loose vs. strict routing, cross-compiling
>> Kamailio. They just got a crush on you 'cause you know presence and
>> parallel forking race conditions.  I want something real.
>> 
>> BRANT: But that's part of the social bargain of being an open-source SIP
>> celebrity. Didn't you once boast of having uh, lady friends, "in
>> different geographic and non-geographic operator codes"?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Yeah, and that's cool, but I want to come home to a woman who
>> loves me for me, not Mr.  3...
>> 
>> ... 02, Moved Temporarily, but not happy necessarily. Feel me?
>> 
>> BRANT: What happened at ClueCon?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: You talking about the bullets Acme Packet ventilated me with?
>> 
>> BRANT: Five of them, as I heard.
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Well I'm still standin'. Took those shots and smiled.
>> 
>> BRANT: I know you guys have a kind of omertà about this stuff, but I've
>> got to ask: why?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: I ain't worried, kids growing up in today's world need to
>> learn the truth. 
>> 
>> They act like I was dealing transcoding licences on their block. O.G. 729.
>> 
>> BRANT: But that wasn't what gave you a wake-up call that the SIP game is
>> sharper than a razor blade?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Hell no, it wasn't their block. That fake-ass east coast
>> channel partner crew can cash me outside howboudah?
>> 
>> BRANT: How exclusive is Kamailio World?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: It's one of the most exclusive clubs I've ever hit up. Lines
>> wrapping around blocks. And the bouncers. Damn.
>> 
>> BRANT: The bouncers?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Those dudes are harsh.
>> 
>> BRANT: On a scale of 1 to Berghain, how bad is it?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: All I know is, one time some squirrely guy in the audience
>> asked a moderately new-blood question like, "If a Record-Route header
>> has been added by an intermediate proxy, is it proper of a SIP User
>> Agent to populate the Request URI of subsequent in-dialog requests with
>> the Record-Route URI, or should it be the remote Contact?" 
>> 
>> Half the room got up like it was ready to curb-stomp that little face.
>> Guy didn't know what he got himself into--a room full of elites.
>> 
>> BRANT: So what happened?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Someone was like, "Bounce this fool! He don't know how to
>> act." 
>> 
>> So these three muscular Kaiser Wilhelm-looking dudes--moustaches and
>> all--in sunglasses roll up and drag this guy through the Atrium, out the
>> doors and dump him straight out onto Anna-Louisa-Karsch-Straße. 
>> 
>> BRANT: Damn. Ejected out of the saloon.
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Yo, that dude was dismissed from the premises.
>> 
>> BRANT: So what do you see in your future post-SIP life?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: I'm thinking about starting a bakery. A friend threw it out
>> there as a way to kind of atone for all this and get straight with
>> Jesus. Gonna bake really big cookies. You know, huge ones, like small
>> pizzas? But recognise--they're actually cookies.
>> 
>> BRANT: Got any advice for those who bright young upstarts who haven't
>> turned over a new leaf and thrown in the towel yet?
>> 
>> BALASHOV: Come on down to Kamailio World #5, May 8-10 2017 in Berlin.
>> You'll see your life in a new way.
>> 
>> Registration and more information online at
>> https://www.kamailioworld.com/k05/
>> _______________________________________________
>> VoiceOps mailing list
>> VoiceOps at voiceops.org
>> https://puck.nether.net/mailman/listinfo/voiceops
> _______________________________________________
> VoiceOps mailing list
> VoiceOps at voiceops.org
> https://puck.nether.net/mailman/listinfo/voiceops