[VoiceOps] Exclusive: Quitting the fast life of open-source SIP

[Mary Lou Carey]

Maybe he should have just joined AA instead. Seems the problem was more the
alcohol than the VOIP world. :)O

> On April 1, 2017 at 6:47 AM Anthony Orlando via VoiceOps
> <voiceops at voiceops.org> wrote:
>
>
> I think I just threw up in my mouth
>
>
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> > On Apr 1, 2017, at 6:26 AM, Shripal Daphtary <shripald at gmail.com> wrote:
> >
> > Nice one!!
> >
> >
> > Thanks,
> >
> > Shripal
> >
> >> On Apr 1, 2017, at 1:11 AM, Alex Balashov <abalashov at evaristesys.com>
> >> wrote:
> >>
> >> (Filed by UC Celeb Talk - 1 Apr 2017.)
> >>
> >> BERLIN (Tegel), GERMANY--In the now-infamous breakdown episode on the
> >> VIP tarmac at Berlin's Tegel Airport, Alex Balashov shocked the IP
> >> telecoms celebrity world last month.
> >>
> >> Shielding his eyes from the punishingly bright daylight of an overcast
> >> day in northern Germany, Balashov climbed out of his Gulfstream G650
> >> jet, clutching a half-finished bottle of Woodford Reserve, and announced
> >> his sudden retirement from the "fast life" of open-source SIP consulting
> >> to a waiting gathering of tech business reporters.
> >>
> >> "I'm not with this 'live fast, die young' VoIP s*** anymore," he
> >> reportedly shouted, before collapsing and vomiting profusely on the red
> >> carpet.
> >>
> >> UC Celeb Talk's own Benjamin Brant sat down with Balashov in an
> >> exclusive interview to learn more about what happened, even as the
> >> telecoms industry continues to digest the shock meltdown.
> >>
> >> --
> >>
> >> BRANT: Everyone's dying to know, what was going through your head at
> >> that moment?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Funny how you mention dying. I want to live to see 35, man. I
> >> can't handle the SIP biz anymore.
> >>
> >> BRANT: What do you mean? You seemed to have all the makings of an
> >> open-source SIP superstar.
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: I can't keep up with the drinks anymore, the three day-long
> >> parties, the paparazzi, always watchin' my back at ClueCon...
> >>
> >> BRANT: When'd you realise it might be time to call it?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: I'll tell you when. It was Kamailio World '16. Man, those
> >> vodka + Club Mate drinks they pour down at Fokus are something else.
> >> They'll really get you thinking about things.
> >>
> >> BRANT: So you had a cocktail and thought better of your entire life as a
> >> SIP celebrity? The fans, the adulation, the glory?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: When you wake up at 3 PM at the Park Inn on Alexanderplatz
> >> with a $31,000 room service bill on your AMEX, a goat wandering around,
> >> and reporters in your face, you tell me with a straight face you're not
> >> gonna take stock of your life and make some changes.
> >>
> >> BRANT: That really happened?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: That's what I'm trying to tell you! That's Kamailio World,
> >> dude. That's the SIP software engineering culture. You wanna ITSP and
> >> WebRTC? You're gonna have to bro down!
> >>
> >> BRANT: Surely not everywhere. What about the IETF?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Those guys drink more than ANYONE. Have you seen the SIP
> >> Outbound RFC?
> >>
> >> BRANT: That's the work-product of an alcohol-fuelled creative orgy?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: It's the work product of something-something. I don't know if
> >> I'm allowed to identify the uh, substance in question.
> >>
> >> BRANT: How are you going to live without the private jet? If I had a G6,
> >> I wouldn't just turn over the keys.
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Yeah, I mean, open-source VoIP consulting has its upsides.
> >> It's a fine way to make a living. But it's just not worth it. Besides,
> >> hourly operating costs are through the roof.
> >>
> >> BRANT: But you were an icon, and quite a ladies' man too! How do you
> >> walk away from that?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Look man, of course women are gonna mob you when you're a SIP
> >> consulting star. That's just part of the open-source tech life in
> >> general.
> >>
> >> But it's fake, man. They don't love you. They don't want to know who you
> >> are inside. They just want you 'cause you know all about the SIP
> >> transaction state machine, loose vs. strict routing, cross-compiling
> >> Kamailio. They just got a crush on you 'cause you know presence and
> >> parallel forking race conditions. I want something real.
> >>
> >> BRANT: But that's part of the social bargain of being an open-source SIP
> >> celebrity. Didn't you once boast of having uh, lady friends, "in
> >> different geographic and non-geographic operator codes"?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Yeah, and that's cool, but I want to come home to a woman who
> >> loves me for me, not Mr. 3...
> >>
> >> ... 02, Moved Temporarily, but not happy necessarily. Feel me?
> >>
> >> BRANT: What happened at ClueCon?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: You talking about the bullets Acme Packet ventilated me with?
> >>
> >> BRANT: Five of them, as I heard.
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Well I'm still standin'. Took those shots and smiled.
> >>
> >> BRANT: I know you guys have a kind of omertà about this stuff, but I've
> >> got to ask: why?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: I ain't worried, kids growing up in today's world need to
> >> learn the truth.
> >>
> >> They act like I was dealing transcoding licences on their block. O.G. 729.
> >>
> >> BRANT: But that wasn't what gave you a wake-up call that the SIP game is
> >> sharper than a razor blade?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Hell no, it wasn't their block. That fake-ass east coast
> >> channel partner crew can cash me outside howboudah?
> >>
> >> BRANT: How exclusive is Kamailio World?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: It's one of the most exclusive clubs I've ever hit up. Lines
> >> wrapping around blocks. And the bouncers. Damn.
> >>
> >> BRANT: The bouncers?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Those dudes are harsh.
> >>
> >> BRANT: On a scale of 1 to Berghain, how bad is it?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: All I know is, one time some squirrely guy in the audience
> >> asked a moderately new-blood question like, "If a Record-Route header
> >> has been added by an intermediate proxy, is it proper of a SIP User
> >> Agent to populate the Request URI of subsequent in-dialog requests with
> >> the Record-Route URI, or should it be the remote Contact?"
> >>
> >> Half the room got up like it was ready to curb-stomp that little face.
> >> Guy didn't know what he got himself into--a room full of elites.
> >>
> >> BRANT: So what happened?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Someone was like, "Bounce this fool! He don't know how to
> >> act."
> >>
> >> So these three muscular Kaiser Wilhelm-looking dudes--moustaches and
> >> all--in sunglasses roll up and drag this guy through the Atrium, out the
> >> doors and dump him straight out onto Anna-Louisa-Karsch-Straße.
> >>
> >> BRANT: Damn. Ejected out of the saloon.
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Yo, that dude was dismissed from the premises.
> >>
> >> BRANT: So what do you see in your future post-SIP life?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: I'm thinking about starting a bakery. A friend threw it out
> >> there as a way to kind of atone for all this and get straight with
> >> Jesus. Gonna bake really big cookies. You know, huge ones, like small
> >> pizzas? But recognise--they're actually cookies.
> >>
> >> BRANT: Got any advice for those who bright young upstarts who haven't
> >> turned over a new leaf and thrown in the towel yet?
> >>
> >> BALASHOV: Come on down to Kamailio World #5, May 8-10 2017 in Berlin.
> >> You'll see your life in a new way.
> >>
> >> Registration and more information online at
> >> https://www.kamailioworld.com/k05/
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Mary Lou Carey
BackUP Telecom Consulting
Marylou at backuptelecom.com
Office: 615-791-9969
Cell: 615-796-1111
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