[VoiceOps] Phase III clinical trials of Kamailio DMQ

[Alex Balashov]

Let me make sure I understand your question correctly: it is your belief or conjecture that this press release was automatically generated by a machine learning system?

—
Sent from mobile, with due apologies for brevity and errors.

> On Apr 1, 2021, at 3:10 PM, Brandon Svec <bsvec at teamonesolutions.com> wrote:
> 
> GPT-3? Happy April Fools Day. 
> 
> Brandon
> 
>> On Mar 31, 2021, at 9:47 PM, Alex Balashov <abalashov at evaristesys.com> wrote:
>> 
>> For immediate release:
>> 
>> GAINESVILLE, Florida (1 April 2021)--Evariste Systems, in partnership with
>> Posner | Palner Pharmaceuticals, are pleased to announce the eagerly
>> anticipated start of Phase III clinical trials of Kamailio DMQ module
>> replication.
>> 
>> In this stage of the investigation of the promising replication scheme, which
>> was developed in record time, DMQ will be tested in a rigourous, double-blind,
>> controlled CI/CD process for large-scale efficacy and continually monitored for
>> safety in shorter and longer terms.
>> 
>> The now-concluded second phase established basic safety and Phase 2b entailed a
>> dose-finding study for the optimal number of batched `dmq_usrloc` contacts per
>> kilogram of cloud computing resource.
>> 
>> The main cohort of the main sequence of the Phase III trial will enroll 380
>> randomly selected, statistically representative Floridian SIP registrars and
>> 5700 SIP dialogs, also in the state of Florida. When asked about the disparity
>> in the number of registrars versus dialogs, Alex Balashov of Evariste said, "It
>> is reflective of the small number of SIP registrars in Florida; not to be
>> indelicate, but consider the median age of the population."
>> 
>> As previously remarked upon in proceedings of the World SIP Organisation (WSO),
>> the choice of Florida as a venue attracted some questions. We asked Fred Posner
>> of Posner | Palner about the clinical background informing this choice of
>> replication study cohort:
>> 
>> "Florida is a good place to find eventual consistency failures; the open
>> climate and reluctance to accept traditional data integrity science would have
>> sealed the deal, but when people started to drink bleach here, I saw an
>> opportunity."
>> 
>> Evariste and Posner | Palner are aiming for a US Food & Drug Administration EUA
>> (Emergency Use Authorisation) for DMQ replication as a prophylactic data
>> redundancy and failover measure to ward off the development of moderate to
>> severe viral Sonus Haemorrhagic Fever symptoms.
>> 
>> Phase II studies have painted a promising a picture of the DMQ architecture's
>> ability to reduce moderate to severe symptoms and associated 28-day mortality
>> by more than 90%, albeit over a small sample size and in enterprise patients
>> with known pre-existing comorbidities such as Session Border Controller and
>> BroadSoft Multi-System Inflammatory Syndrome.  Phase III trials seek to bolster
>> quantums of broader efficacy, including efficacy for localised outbreaks of
>> small to medium business softswitch.
>> 
>> Of the control group, Balashov said, "They will receive a standard
>> pipe-to-/dev/null placebo protocol, but with identical '200 OK' confirmation
>> messages. We proudly developed this approach in early 2020 in consultation with
>> the highest levels of the Trump presidential administration; it is called
>> TENP, or 'The Emperor's New Potion.' It is a successor to that administration's
>> previous approved placebo protocol, SHTI - Small Hands, Tremendous Initiatives."
>> 
>> Despite speculative autism and packet fragmentation claims by Florida Governor
>> Ron DeSantis, Balashov was quick to provide reassurance about side effects from
>> DMQ in the Phase III trial.
>> 
>> "The incidence of severe allergies to plain-text UDP was within standard
>> deviation over the mean for all insecure replication, and there's support for
>> other transports on the way. Anyway, we have a robust adverse effects reporting
>> system in our issue tracker and solid surveillance. Don't let partisan politics
>> dissuade you from allowing request lines with the KDMQ method."
>> 
>> Other industry sources have reported that DMQ is not the only replication
>> investigation undertaken by Evariste and Posner | Palner, although it is the only
>> prophylactic suitable for the early infection development and inflammatory
>> phases of a broad class of SBC-complex syndromes typically afflicting service
>> providers. A recent IETF preprint by the same authors has shown high-quality
>> preliminary data suggesting statistically significant improvement in morbidity
>> outcomes from Perimeta and Nokia via a later-stage therapeutic intervention
>> with a monoclonal, monorepo Github cocktail administered intravenously.
>> 
>> 
>> -- 
>> Alex Balashov | Principal | Evariste Systems LLC
>> 
>> Tel: +1-706-510-6800 / +1-800-250-5920 (toll-free)
>> Web: http://www.evaristesys.com/, http://www.csrpswitch.com/
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