[240-e] Douglas Della Toffalo, Sports Psychology Guidelines for Sports Parents

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Douglas Della Toffalo, Sports Psychology Guidelines for Sports Parents

Peak Performance Sports

Youth sports are huge in today's society. Coaches and parents have a
tremendous impact on how children will engage in sports. I get several
emails a month from concerned sports parents asking me how they should help
their child superstar win at and enjoy sports. When working with young
athletes, I often work with the parents themselves so parents can reinforce
the concepts I teach to athletes in our mental game coaching sessions. Below
are eight simple guidelines for sports parents to adopt with youth athletes.

8 Simple Guidelines for Sports Parents:

1. Sports should be fun for kids. Treat sport as a game—It's not a business
for kids. With all the money in professional sports today, it is hard for
parents to understand that it's just good fun to young athletes. The primary
goal should be to have fun and enjoy the healthy competition.

2. Your own agenda is not your child's. Young athletes compete in sports for
many reasons. They enjoy the competition, like the social aspect, engage
with being part of a team, and enjoy the challenge of setting goals. You
might have a different agenda than your child and you need to recognize that
racing is your child's sport, not yours.

3. Emphasize a mental focus on the process of execution instead of results
or trophies. We live in a society that focuses on results and winning, but
winning come from working the process and enjoying the ride. Teach your
child to focus on the process of the challenge of playing one shot, stroke,
or race at a time instead of the number of wins or trophies.

4. You are a role model for your child athlete. As such, you should model
composure and poise on the sidelines. When you are at competition, your
child mimics your behavior as well as other role models. You become a role
model in how you react to a close race or the questionable behavior of a
competitor. Stay calm, composed, and in control during games so your child
superstar can mimic those positive behaviors.

5. Refrain from game-time coaching. During competition, it's time to just
let them play. All the practice should be set aside because this is the time
that athletes need trust in the training and react on the court or field.
"Just do it" as the saying goes. Too much coaching (or over-coaching) can
lead to mistakes and cautious performance (called paralysis by over analysis
in my work). Save the coaching for practice and use encouragement at game
time instead.

6. Help you athlete to detach self-esteem from achievement. Too many
athletes I work with attach self-worth to the level of performance or
outcomes. Help your child understand that they are a person FIRST who
happens to be an athlete instead of an athlete who happens to be a person.
Success or number of wins should not determine a person's self-esteem.

7. Ask your child athlete the right questions. Asking the right questions
after competition and games will tell your child what you think is important
in sports. If you ask, "Did you win?" your child will think winning is
important. If you ask, "Did you have fun?" he or she will assume having fun
is important.

8. Pledge the: P.A.Y.S. Parent's Code of Ethics. PAYS (Parents Association
for Youth Sports) provides a parental handbook and code of ethics that
adults must sign before each competitive season. This is a great tool to
guide parents in their interaction with young athletes.
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